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2001-06-13 - 10:32 p.m. I really don't feel like writing about A once again, but he makes it impossible not to. Friday I was out babysitting for some friends, and came home in a great mood (I love children!) - that only lasted until I checked my email though! Once again A surprised me by sending me an email, and though he wrote nothing special, it opened up the wound again, and left me sobbing, unable to think about anything else. I wrote a reply, and sat on pins and needles for the rest of the evening, waiting for his answer. Alas, it didn't come until the next morning, and though it was quite uplifting, I at the same time received another letter, written 2-3 hours later, where he told me exactly what he thought / dreamed about me and us. I really wish he'd never sent that mail (and he probably would to) for more than one reason. a) The chance of me ever hearing from him again is slim to none, since I doubt he'll be able to look me in the eye after this. b) I really didn't need to know c) I'm now thinking that it's much more 'lust' than 'love' he feels for me. Of course I may be wrong, but it just seems that way. It was very difficult to get through the weekend, since I also had a cold, and therefore couldn't concentrate about anything. Restless + sad is NOT a good combination. Fortunately my sister invited me to her place Saturday evening, which helped a lot.
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