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2001-04-03 - 11:47 a.m. Sorry about the long pause, but I haven't really felt up to writing lately, as life has been quite hectic and not all that good. No, before you ask, things are still going great with my DB! Other than the fact that he's _still_ living together with his ex, he gives me nothing to be sad about - quite the opposite actually. I must admit that one thing REALLY botheres me though. I know it's hard to find a place to live in Copenhagen, especially when you're a poor student, but I can't shake the feeling that if he'd really wanted to find something, he would've by now. I so want us to be acknowledged, but it's now almost 8 months down the road and nothing's happened. Truth be told, I'm starting to lose hope... I know he loves me and wants to be with me, but... for crying out loud, nobody in his family even know I exist! I cry out to the Lord, time and time again, begging Him to do something, or at least let me know why not. So far I've received no answer... :o( At times I just want to break down and cry, 'cause I don't know what to do. I feel like ordering him to move, but can't make myself do something like that. Well, next week is Easter vacation. I'm going away together with my family, so I plan to ask him to please use the time to look for something. It would be wonderful beyond words to come home and find he's found something. Somehow I don't see that happening though, but I've got to keep hoping, and will DEFINITELY keep praying. Well, enough about that! I just want to forget all about it. On to something else. Unfortunately not a much more pleasant subject, but more the reason why I haven't written for so long. A couple of more chapters have been added to The Never-Ending Saga of 'A'. Around March 16th things were just starting to improve with regards to the 'A'-sito. The Wednesday before he'd given me the first _real_ smile since the semester started, and had even sent me an email to apologize for his behaviour. We met up Friday after uni, had a nice chat, and agreed to put all this behind us. All good! I was thrilled about that, and started looking forward to seeing him in classes again. I don't remember much of our interaction the following week. Had I known what I know now, I would hae rtreasured every moment, but how was I about to predict that he'd send me an email the very next Friday with the disturbing news that through all this, he'd developed strong feelings for me, and they weren't all just friendly. Oh NO! In order to 'protect' himself, he felt it necessary to cut himself off from me completely :o( So that's where things are now. He doesn't talk to me, he doesn't look at me - I might as well not exist. It _really_ hurts, and actually makes me unable to spend time with our mutual friends, as his distance would pain me too much. So right now I'm trying to avoid him as much as possible, hating every minute of it. I had thought we'd both benefit from what'd happened in January - now I really with it had never happend, as all I'm left with are some painful memories. Boy, I can't WAIT for my life to stop being such a soap! Hopefully 'A' will 'get over me' soon, and stop behaving like this. At least I pray it's just temporarily. I can't wait for this semester to be over and done with, so I'm no longer 'stuck' with him at lectures. If I didn't feel so bad about this thing, I'd be ROTFL! ... I mean, it DOES seem like something out of a trashy novel, or a bad soap - the rollercoaster ride this guy has placed me on, ever since that first Sunday. Going from low to high to low without any forewarning. Oh well, at least it makes my life interesting! ;o)
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